Funny Stories in English

Let's heat up our English club by posting funny stories. It should be more wonderful if you guys can post both Vietnamese and English versions of your stories. If not, no big deal, because we learn English not Vietnamese.

The Smart Blonde​

A blonde woman boards an airplane. She is extremely exhausted and just wants to take a nap. She finally finds her seat and sits down next to a very curious young man.

He wants to test the whole dub blonde thing and possibly make some money out of it. "Hey, wanna play a game?" he asks her. "No thank you, i just want to take a nap." "Please, its really easy, all you have to do is answer the questions that i ask you. If you don't know the answer, then you give me five dollars, and if I don't know the answer to your question, then Ill give you five dollars."

"I really don't want to do this. I just want to take a nap."

"Oh but PLEASE pretty please. Okay, how about if I don't know the answer to your question, I'll give you five hundred dollars." The blonde woman became interested and decided to play the game.

"Okay. How many moons does jupiter have?" the young man asked. The woman reached into her purse and took out a five dollar bill. "What goes up the mountain with three legs and comes back down with four?".

The young man, determined not to lose, gets out his laptop and searches all over the internet for an answered. Flustered and confused, the young man hand the blonde five hundred dollars.

After a few hours, the young man was itching to know the answer to the question."What was the answer to the riddle?" the blonde woman reached into her purse and handed the young man a five dollar bill.
(From the Internet)

Bản dịch:

Cô nàng tóc vàng láu cá​

Một cô nàng tóc vàng đang lên chuyến bay của mình. Cô ta thật sự mệt mỏi và chỉ muốn đánh một giấc. Cuối cùng thì nàng ta cũng tìm được chỗ và ngồi kế bên một gã thật sự tò mò.
Muốn kiểm tra về những gì người ta đồn đãi về sự ngu ngốc của những nàng tóc vàng và để kiếm chúc đỉnh, gã gợi ý nàng ta :" Này cô em, mình chơi trò này đi." " Cảm ơn anh, em hơi mệt và muốn ngủ một giấc thôi." "Làm ơn đi mà, trò này dễ thôi. Em chỉ cần trả lời những câu hỏi mà anh hỏi em. Nếu em không trả lời được, em trả anh 5 đô la, ngược lại anh trả lời không được thì anh trả em 5 đô la."
" Em thật sự là không muốn chơi mà, em chỉ muốn ngủ thôi"
" Thôi nào người đẹp, bây giờ thế này nhé. Nếu anh trả lời không được, anh đưa em 500 đô nhé"
Lúc này thì cô nàng thực sự hứng thú và quyết định chơi với gã này.
"Ok. Sao mộc có bao nhiêu mặt trăng xung quanh nó". Gã hỏi
Cô nàng với lấy ví và đưa gã 5 đô.
"Cái gì đi lên núi với ba chân và trở về với bốn chân?" Nàng hỏi gã
Để không thể thua, gã lấy laptop ra và sục xạo cả internet để tìm câu trả lời nhưng hoàn toàn bối rối, gã đưa nàng 500 đô.
Vài giờ sau đó, vì bức rức với câu hỏi của nàng mà gã đã mất toi 500, gã hỏi " vậy trả lời cho cái quái quỉ em hỏi là như thế nào". Nàng với lấy ví và đưa gã 5 đô.

 

i just read the vietnamese version

 

Facts About Old Men and Women

Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?

A: Look in the library-------under Romantic Fiction.

Q: How can a guy cope during his wife's menopause?

A: By staying busy. If you're mechanically inclined, you can remodel the garage. When you are finished you will have a flat in which to live.

Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?

A: She should tell him she's with child.

Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?

A: Don't wear a brassiere. The additional hanging "weights" will take out the wrinkles.

Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?

A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is.

Q: Do older people have problems storing their short term memories?

A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage.

Q: Do older people have deeper sleep?

A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoon

Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?

A: On top of their heads.

Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by older people when they visit antique shops?

A: 'Gee, I have one of these.'

(From the Internet)

 

My Boyfriend is Stuck​

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.

He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.

At 60 off came the pants.

At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He sveered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied.

The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.

"You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.

Along came a truck driver.

Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.

"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies: "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"